Porn is love you can see.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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