While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
