separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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