imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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