sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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