I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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