he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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