Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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