I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
