i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
