I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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