if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The air was thick with penises
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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