Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
