Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
