How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
