what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize