He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
