either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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