also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
