I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
