I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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