sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
