Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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