i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
