I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize