I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
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Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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