We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
