Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
