Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.

Fav 13 1217 1295
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?

(305): View more from Florida

Its worth a shot.

Fav 9 1516 2978
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(224): View more from Illinois

woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training

Fav 10 4761 1138
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(310): View more from California

Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

Fav 54 10582 1521
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(217): View more from Illinois

I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.

Fav 6 2361 1173
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(585): View more from New York

I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT

Fav 7 659 1022
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(850): View more from Florida

It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance

Fav 6 648 1051
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(432): View more from Texas

I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.

Fav 2 168 90
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(850): View more from Florida

I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers

(815): View more from Illinois

It's not?

Fav 0 43 16
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