there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
