im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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