while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
