Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
