FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I could fuck to npr.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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