Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
