Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
