I cannot find my penis.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
