What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
