i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Houston, we have a blender
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
