I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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