We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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