I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
