First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
