I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
