This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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