I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
