i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
