I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
