I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
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Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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