Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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