Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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