Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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