"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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