those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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