Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
