this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
soo... how was my night?
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