did you get engaged???
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
