well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
