What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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