i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
