BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
