im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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