Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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