just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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