tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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