Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
smell my finger.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
