OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
