Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
