I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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